Scott Pilgrim and the Epic RPG
by ValiantMajesty
Summary: Years after Gideon almost ruined Scott and Ramona's lives forever, the two lovebirds are still together and quite happy with one another. But when a new threat emerges and vows to tear Toronto apart, what will it take for our lovable heroes to come out on top? Skill, magic, and a lot of badass fuckin' weapons.
1. Prologue

[ _ **Hello, all. Welcome to my little bit of imagination. Granted, this is not my first story, just my first story in a long time since the others were taken down. Don't be afraid to leave reviews, and hit me up if you require beta-reading assistance. Without further interruption, let us begin.]**_

 **Not So Long Ago… (Short Prologue** )

"So... we try again."

Those words finally began one of the greatest love stories in all of Toronto, Canada, the love of Scott Pilgrim and Ramona Flowers. They lived in Ramona's house for a while, and Scott was more than happy to finally not be homeless again. It was a bumpy road of beginnings, to be sure. Scott was so immature and simple minded that Ramona almost wanted to killed him in his sleep a couple of times. Thinking better of it, she took up yoga to relieve that built up stress. She liked it for how much better she felt when she did it, and Scott loved it because Ramona's ass was getting more beautiful each time she wore her tight black yoga pants. When the yoga didn't work, she tried herbal teas. When that didn't work, she tried to meditate. When even that didn't work, she tried to smoke a little bit of marijuana to ease her nerves, but that got her an earful from Scott about the dangers of smoking.

"It's not a ciggerate, Scott..." she said each and every time.

But Ramona knew that she loved her boyfriend. As stupid as he could be, he genuinely cared about Ramona. He usually always put her first, doing things for her and getting her sweet presents as much as his income could afford. He even talked about marrying her and having a child and starting a family. The woman cried with pure joy for two whole hours. She realized that Scott was finally growing up, ready to face the challenges of a real life and a real future.

When the couple saved up enough money, they moved out of Ramona's old house and drifted off to a cozy little two story house just inside Toronto city limits. It was a lovely creamy brown color on the outside, with shiny new windows and crimson red doors on the front and back porch. The roof had expensive looking black shingles upon the top, and it even had a small garage on the side. The kitchen was wide but easy to navigate, the living room was spacious enough for two, and there were two very nice bathrooms inside. It took a lot of getting used to, but the couple eventually fell in love with the house. Stills, Kim, Scott, Knives and Young Neil agreed to help the two move, though the argument that Neil and Stills had about the older man's boyfriend Joseph caused Neil to have a bloody nose and Stills to fracture his tailbone haulted the moving process for a day or two. When the group finally started to move in again, the couple was overjoyed at how amazing their new house and their new lives would be. It would be only a few more days and the final preparations for the move would be done.

Little did they know that fate had other plans for the two heroes...


	2. Quest 1

**Quest I: Get the Call**

A whole year had passed since their move, and things were looking rather wonderful for the duo. Scott had been fired from his job at The Happy Avacodo, all due to Scott's strange admiration of sampling the customer's orders before the waiters took them off to the tables. And by sampling, he really ate the whole damn thing and tried to replace the food quickly, but poor Scott just wasn't quick enough. He was fired and jobless for a while, and due to the nature of how he was fired, Ramona cut off sex of any kind until Scott found another job. That was the longest month of Scott's young life...

But as luck would have it, Scott was eventually hired by the Toronto Sanitation Department as a garbage collector. He made a bit more money there compared to his old job, and he got to ride around in that fancy (but really smelly) garbage truck for nine hours of the day, five days a week. Even with such a dirty job, he was actually quite proud of himself, and was finally contributing to paying the major bills in the household. When he wasn't working, the man would sit down on the big, black leather couch in the living room and play Final Fantasy games on his new PlayStation 4, seeming to be absorbed in them for hours upon hours upon hours.

The reason he played them so much on the weekends was because Ramona laid down the law- no games during the work week or Sunday nights, except Fridays after he got home. She didn't want his games to interfere with him waking up early to get to his truck on time, and most certainly didn't want him up all night yelling at the TV screen when she was trying to sleep.

Ramona had done so well as a delivery girl at Amazon.ca that the manager of the Toronto division gave her a promotion to assistant manager, and she couldn't believe it herself. She was making a six figure salary, bringing home quite a lovely paycheck each month that held the two lovers over and still allowed them to buy cool stuff, like expensive shampoos and a few hundred dollars worth of groceries. She only worked for four days out of the week, and her hours were very, very reasonable. They were able to pay most of their bills with only half of her paycheck, and the rest went on whatever they wanted. Nine times out of ten, Scott usually always convinced his girlfriend to buy him a new game.

It was October now, a Friday evening no less, and Ramona had just pulled into the driveway in her Nissan Altima, the paint a vibrant sapphire blue as the sun reflected off of the shining metal. She shut off the engine and gathered a bit of her paperwork to bring inside, then left and locked the car before making her way inside her home. The minute she opened the door, she could already hear the echoing sounds of a man screaming his head off at a TV, with Final Fantasy battle music blaring from it.

"DAMMIT, TIDUS!! USE YOUR FUCKING THUNDAGA!! NO, NOT BLIZZARA!! SHIT!!"

"Boss battle, hun?" Ramona asked loudly enough for Scott to hear as she made her way toward the living room, then planted a sweet kiss on the couch potato's head.

"OF COURSE IT'S A BOSS I DON'T SEE COMING!! AND MY PARTY IS STUPID AS FUCK!! NO, WAKKA, DON'T THROW YOUR STUPID GODDAMN BALL!! UGHHH!!!"

Ramona chuckled a bit and ran her fingers through his shaggy brown hair. "Scott, could you maybe pause that for a bit? I have to tell you something..."

Scott shifted his gaze toward Ramona before pausing his epic battle on his game. "Oh, sure. What's up, Rammy?"

Ramona motioned for Scott to follow her into the kitchen, then the two sat at their dining table as she began to speak.

"Scott... I've been thinking really hard about something..."

"Yeah, what is it? What do you need?" he asked with a bit of confusion and concern for Ramona.

"I thought about maybe inviting your parents over for the holidays. You know, Thanksgiving is coming... Christmas will come after... I know how you feel about it, but maybe we should-"

"No," he replied without letting her even finish.

"No?" she asked with a raised brow.

"No. Wait... not no. But hell no. They make things weird and they tell you stuff that embarrasses me a whole lot and they...they...they...um... they smell bad."

"Scott, no offense, but your parents are cleaner than you," she replied with a soft scowl, obviously not pleased with Scott's answer.

"Look, Ramona. I don't hate them and I don't disown them. But can we MAYBE just not invite them this year? Can't it be just the two of us?"

Ramona frowned even more. "Scott. You invite Wallace and Mobile for Christmas every year, and they eventually get drunk and try to talk you into having a threesome with them. I don't get mad, I don't get rude, I don't say anything about it. Because they're your friends and because I love you. But how is that better than having your parents here? Your own parents, Scott?"

Scott sighed deeply and shook his head. "Alright, alright... you made your point. You can call them..."

The woman smiled, pushing a bit of her blue colored hair away from her eyes. "Good. I'll call them up before bed. You can go and play your games again."

Scott pouted and went back into the living room, slumping back onto the couch as he went back to his game. It took a whole minute and a half before Scott's whole party was killed.

"Fuck..." He sighed and saved his progress before turning off the console. He wasn't much in the mood to play it anymore today. He rose from the couch and went into his room to grab clothes, then took a quick shower and shaved the barely noticeable peach fuzz from the bottom of his chin. When he left the bathroom, he moved to his side of the bed and reached into his pillowcase, pulling out a small black box with the word 'Kay' on the top. Inside was a beautiful diamond ring with a gold band, one of the best Scott could afford.

"...I think I should...tonight..." he said to himself as he slipped the small box into his back pocket of his jeans. Ramona soon entered, grabbing clothes and ready to get a shower herself.

"Be out in a minute, Scott. Gotta get clean," she said with a small smile and disappeared into the bathroom. Scott sat down on the bed, just sitting and thinking about what he was about to do. This was a bold step forward. One of the biggest in his whole life...more serious that his decision to put his PlayStation on layaway.

"Do I want to be with Ramona for all of my life...?"

Of course he did. He smiled a bit as he set his decision deep into his heart, watching as Ramona left the bathroom, wearing the yoga pants that Scott loved to see her in.

"Mind if I just order a pizza tonight? I really don't feel like cooking," Ramona said with a yawn as she sat down on her side of the bed.

"Yeah...sounds good."

The two sat quietly for a while, Ramona sitting and working on her laptop and Scott laying down reading a game guide to Final Fantasy XII, even though he didn't have it yet. He kept glancing over at Ramona, but she was pretty concentrated on her work. He decided not to bother her just yet.

The doorbell rang and Ramona scurried to the door, paying the pizza guy his money and taking the food back into the bedroom. She opened the box and placed it down on the center of the bed.

"Eat up," she said with a happy grin as she took a slice and ate it. Scott did as well, and it was gone before they knew it. When the meal was done and the box was disposed of, they lay in bed together, Ramona's head resting on Scott's chest. After A bit more silence, Scott finally spoke.

"Hey... Ramona?" Scott began as his right hand was softly placed on the small of Ramona's back.

"Yeeeeees?" she replied as she looked back up at him.

"I... I think... you're amazing. And no one on the planet can make me feel the way that you do."

"You mean horny?" she said with a playful grin, but Scott didn't smile back at all. That was when Ramona knew he was being serious. Her expression grew concerned and her hands reached to hold Scott's. "Scott...? What's going on...?"

"Ramona...you're perfect to me. Even though I'm an idiot and a failure and a fluke, you stayed with me. You stayed...and I just can't thank you enough. I want you to know how much you mean to me... so..."

He slowly slipped off from the bed and dropped down onto a knee. He pulled the box from his back pocket and opened it, revealing the ring that lay dormant inside. Ramona stared at him, eyes as wide as globes, and tears started to trickle down her face.

"Ramona Flowers... Will you marry me?"

She nodded her head slowly and took the ring, softly slipping it on her hand. "Yes, Scott... yes..."

She leaned into Scott and the two began to kiss, slowly at first, but then passion overtook them both, and their clothes were of no use to them at that moment. He pushed Ramona onto her back and crawled on top of her, the two losing themselves in the utter pleasure and intimacy that followed.

The room looked like a site of a hurricane passing through when the two finally stopped, clothes and bedspreads all over the floor as the two spooned on the bed, Scott for some reason volunteering to be the little spoon. Just before the two could drift off to sleep, Ramona's cell phone began to ring. She sighed and stood up, rubbing her eyes as Scott gripped onto her wrist.

"Where you going?" he asked with a goofy grin.

"Oh, shut up. I'm answering the phone," she replied with a smile, reaching for the phone but accidentally pressing the power button. It declined the call, and she didn't bother to see who it was.

"Oh well..." she said with a shrug as she tossed the phone onto her pillow, going back to spooning Scott. A moment later, the phone let off a small 'ding', which made the lovers sigh as Ramona reached up and grabbed it. She unlocked the screen and saw a notification.

"New voicemail from Kim?"

"From Kim Pine?" Scott asked as he turned to face Ramona.

"No... Kim Oaknipple. Of course Kim Pine." Ramona called her voicemail to check the message, amd it didn't sound pretty.

 _ **Scott?! Ramona?! Anyone?! Pick up the damn phone! All hell is breaking loose over here! These assholes are tearing up Toronto! I don't know what the hell is going on, but you guys have to-**_

The message ended, and the two stared at each other with disbelief.

"Could it be Gideon again..?" Scott asked, seeming to be rather frustrated now.

"No... Gideon is gone," Ramona said with a frown. "Then...who?"

"We need to get over there... right after I take care of business." Scott rose from the bed and headed into the bathroom.

"Oh, God... don't take too long, Scott! We have to hurry!"

Scott sat down and began his work, but panic spread as he looked around without seeing any source of wiping material. "Ramona! Where's the toilet paper?!"

"We ran out," she called back. Scott froze. Then what the hell was he supposed to use?!

He looked up at one of Ramona's bath towels and gulped.

A few minutes later, Scott came out of the bathroom and was dressed in his Zelda T-shirt, his blue parka, his favorite sneakers and his jeans. Ramona wore a long sleeve, thin layered green v-neck shirt, brown cargo shorts, and white lace up boots, the laces a green color to match her shirt.

"Are you ready?" Ramona asked as Scott simply nodded, his face as red as fire for some reason. Ramona raised a brow, then thought for a moment.

"Hey... How did you end up being able to wipe? Did you...even wipe?"

"Yes."

"With?"

"Don't...wanna talk about it. Let's move." He started to lead Ramona out of the room, all the way to their Altima outside. Ramona took the driver's seat and Scott sat beside her, the engine roaring to life as Ramona backed out and then sped off towards the center of town.

"Hold on, Kim. We're on the way..."


End file.
